The NEW Hallmark cards!

Some of these are just too perfect... I wonder why they don't make Hallmark cards like these?

"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.."

"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never know what evil was before this!"

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"Sorry things didn't work you, but I can't handle guys with bigger boobs than mine."

"When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket..... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"Happy birthday, Uncle Dad!" (available only in the Deep south)